13

What is it that will make you stay?

Those  eyes looking into the darkness,

Trying to find a reason to pray,

Walking with that careful carelessness…

Looking up to search the stars,

Trying to decipher the night,

Trying to unearth where you are,

As instinct takes over sight…

Wandering into the nothing,

Hoping to find something…

Plunging to find that pearl in the ocean,

Hearing silence with its commotion…

Casting dice into black,

Fortuitous coincidence,

And a lucky seven comes back,

Speck of light in darkness immense…

An odyssey towards the dawn,

Focussed wandering eyes,

Spot an illusion trudging along,

Masked trying to pass by…

Piercing the brilliant fable,

Was an alter ego masked,

An ace up the sleeve not the table,

Truth was all that the eyes asked…

Together walking on the promenade,

Awakened from the stupor,

A spec to a blazing fire unafraid,

Together starting as a tremor…

The eyes starting not to stray,

In earner waiting for morn,

Under the ceiling of stars we lay,

Together a future was drawn…

Thay đổi

The continuity of change,

A different story at every page…

Realize kinship between the sun and the moon,

Else you’re putting your own pall too soon…

 

Up and down with the see-saw,

Adhere to the cosmos and their laws…

Trying to find an end to an endless loop,

Pressure making you stoop…

 

Squandering time; trying to hold on,

Open your eyes that moment has long gone…

No need to look back with disdain,

It’s time to alleviate the pain…

 

For each moment is new,

Moments having solitude are few…

For the pendulum moves too and fro,

Getting past the paradoxes, we grow…

 

Preening over our glories,

Disregarding reality, its numerous stories…

For every instant is contrasting,

Focus on your goal and keep flying…

 

Ameliorate the situation,

Important things stay, rest fade to oblivion…

Plant trees on a barren land,

Go out there and achieve something grand…

 

 

So redeem your confidence,

And revoke your imagination,

Looking straight with eyes blazing with defiance,

Believe in yourself, leaving all hesitations…

 

Close your eyes to see yourself…

Your world, a world of monocracy,

Look within yourself, what do you see?

A stranger lost in a strange land,

Trying to grasp a single strand…

 

Entwined by your own thoughts,

Lost in the midst of trinkets you sought…

Looking back to the past,

Pages a herald of time containing knowledge vast…

 

Eyes glimpsing something far away,

Listening to a magical rhythm to which the leaves sway…

You see that red orb set against the blue,

Thoughts as fresh as the morning dew…

 

Breaking that screaming silence,

Remembering that morning dew and its lingering fragrance…

Like that insect rushing towards the light,

Was it the truth in sight?

 

A walk towards yourself,

Where that lingering laughter delves…

Seeing the world with your closed eyes,

Jumping with joy your inner self cries…

 

Realizing that those pebbles were really stepping stones,

Knowing how you have grown…

Crossing yet another milestone,

Know that you are never alone..

Tomorrow is a better day…

 

As the world suddenly turns again,

Looking back to that memory lane…

You see those elated faces, euphoric moments, ecstatic emotions,

And also the sadness that can fill the oceans…

 

The tides of highs and lows,

Memories that always grow…

One moment you see that serene sea of sapphire,

And the next? Poseidon’s wrath, and death’s desire…

 

The ever oscillating pendulum,

History set forth on vellum…

Realise the presence of the inexorable change,

In midst of memories, the present is feigned…

 

People heal with the shards of time,

Wind blows making that musical chime…

Try too understand change and its monotony,

Sad spirits and their melancholy…

After every night, there comes a day,

Every silver lining, for a cloud grey…

Sadness, is inevitable,

Learn even from the unquotable…

 

For this is not the end,

Spiral stairs will ascend…

After every winter there is a spring,

You too can fly, just spread your wings…

 

A myth…

You’ve taken a piece of me,
An unfinished puzzle for the passers-bys to see…
Tarnished by those bitter sweet memories,
Emotions and their treacheries…

Tangled by the in-between,
Wishing that I had foreseen…
Heart and brain in strife,
Trying to have a zest for life…

 

Travelling with the zephyr of time,
Yearning for you to be mine…
A zeal for mystery,
A yard full of history…

 

A leap from the horizon which exhilarates,
A whiff of the poison which intoxicates…
The inexorable ego,
Through the veil on the silhouette shows…

 

Those memories that faded,
Somewhere making me jaded…
The irrevocable past,
The irreparable hurt that lasts…

 

Trying to accept fate with a gracious bow,
Silent tears as my head bends low…
A mockery of creed,
It is my expectations I try to exceed…

 

The truth and me…

Wreathing my remains,
Trying to make my thoughts wane…
Bewitched by the sparkling eyes,
Is a place where the stars lie…

Eyes close, chaos ensues,
Fathoming the martyr blues…
I, being my life’s mason,
Laughing at the worldly worlds mock treason…

Leaving behind the conceivable explanation,
Not caring for the delineation…
Realising that the truth’s in disguise,
Under layers of cloaks it hides…

Innocent eyes on a vile being,
Truths cloaks and vices fleeing…
People in vicinity tremble in fright,
Vulnerable to the wrath of truth, in sight…

Weary eyes staring straight ahead,
Being cautious so as to where they tread…
Wavering and hesitating under the weight of decisions,
Blinded by their clear vision…

The time to waver is long gone ,
Standing up against the plan which life’s architect has drawn…
Look beyond what you see,
Beyond the grave is where I’ll be…

Nature’s nocturnal call…

In my dreams reality befalls,
Hearing that long lost nature’s call…
Trying to understand the plausible belief,
Monsoon shower hits and the earth sighs in relief…

As we courteously offend our land,
Paying no heed so as to what she has planned…
One day we’ll fall down the abyss of shadows,
Falling, falling too low…

Finding ways to stars that had long gone,
She still smiled as each of us was born…
Some of us realise our deeds,
Telling others so as to not deny her needs…

Drenched by my guilty conscious,
Diminishing what was once vivacious…
Walking towards the wrong direction,
A time would come when there would be no resurrection…

We digress from what is important,
Either incapable or hesitant…
We all have our inadequacies,
Not realising the magical sound of the humming bees…

The incantations of the clouds,
The voices of the waves when the shout out loud…
The mystic music of the rain,
Watching in disbelief as their originator gets slain…

Cherish the intimate moments with nature,
For a time may come when she’d be an extinct creature…
But nature has her own means,
Provoke her and she can wipe you out clean…

Walking through the bridge of generations,
Ecstatic admiration of her creations…
Effortless as wind blowing through the willow tree,
An occult play you’d witness just close your eyes and see…

Let go of your vanity and pride,
Come with me on a magical ride…
One more time let me close my eyes,
One more time let me hear the birds cry…

thoughts that came and went…

We came into this world alone, we leave this world alone. Left behind are the sorrows of people, relationships which now lack the other half. We don’t realise the value of things when we have them in abundance, we only start appreciating when there is a scarcity. With the oncoming death the scarcity is of time. When death engulfs our loved ones, we are left stranded helplessly on that milestone of life where going forward or backward has no meaning. We are trapped in that spiral of time, where a second ago things were blissful and in an instant that devastating reality surges. We realise that to get past life’s façades we need to pass many hurdles. Hurdles that emotionally tear you apart. That reality is basically a web full of intricate details of “Reality” meanwhile, you are just clinging on to one strand of that web; self content, thinking that what you know is the truth and the truth alone. But what we don’t know is that someone else has made the web, the web maker, the spider, the puppet master, we have many names for him, as he and he alone casts the dice, who calls the shots, who holds the strings. We can only try and believe that whatever reality seems to us, may in turn not be reality at all.

Death may seem disastrous, for we have allot to hold onto, but with that we also have allot to let go off. There is an age where nothing matters, when ones materialistic desires fade away. One is ready for the next journey. But those surrounding one may not be ready. For there is a loss that cant be quantified. A loss as immense and vast as the oceans. On the oncoming death we hold on to the ‘last’ few moments desperately, clinging on to them, hoping that somehow somewhere time starts moving backwards or if nothing else moves slowly. Even though we do know that ‘time waits for no one’ we still hope against hope.

We try and spend every living minute with our loved ones trying to make up for the moments lost. But what we don’t realise is why did we loose those precious moments in the first place? Why dint we value the relationship before as much as we do today? Why did we take our loved ones for granted earlier? When such questions are thrown at us we squirm in our seats, trying to avoid each others eyes. But we trying to reassure ourselves in this time of crisis that we did not do such a thing in the past. A resolve comes up, that we would not do such a thing again, but maybe again would never come. Maybe all you have are those moments left, so yes, make the most of it, its all you can do.

As quoting Shakespeare “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players” I try and figure out my role in life. I try and see my life from a different perspective. I try to live in the moment, I try to look past the mishaps and sorrows that wish to scream. I try and be responsible for my actions. For we only have a singe ticket through this journey called life and the duration of this journey is not in our hands.

We often use the phrase “coming to terms with reality”, to me, this phrase holds no meaning, we cannot come to terms with it. We can only try and accept that life has allot more in store for us. A sackful incidents that have the capability to cause further upheaval in our already confused lives. Causing us to shift from one extreme to another. During the catastrophes we are traumatised eve n sometimes deluded as reality shows us another colour. A colour which is unrecognisable to us. This sudden development overwhelms us. We realise our insignificance in this vast world. We realise that even though we were insignificant, we need our loved ones in our life. And after all the turmoil there is that endless pool of calmness. Where that one ripple goes on to the infinite. .

thoughts…

As the night throws on its cloak,

 Some unusual thoughts woke…

 Thoughts having lows and highs, 

 Thoughts travelling beyond the sky…
  
  

 The tiny stars twinkle in delight,

 Seeing the thoughts which came that night…

 Thoughts which wandered here and there,

 Thoughts which went everywhere…
  
  

 Quietly the wind blows,

 Along the thoughts it flows…

 Inevitably the thoughts came to you,

 Why? Even I have no clue…
  
  

 When did we last talk they ask, 

 Horror makes my face go in a rigid mask…

 I never realized that it had been that long,

 Unheard like that long lost song…
 
 


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*words*

We were about eight.

Jumping, laughing, and playing in the park.

Making paper planes and challenging each other about whose will go farthest.

It was mostly you, I agree.

Those birthday parties, those silly games, those times we sat together and read our favorite kiddy storybook.

Those times when you stood by my side unknowingly as we had never learn t not standing by each other.

You were my unknown support.

The pillar who aided me even when I did not require that aid.

My solitude, my sanctuary. My safe haven.

Never did we talk about anything worthwhile.

For us it was always “ohh lets play”.

And things just changed, I was in love with you even before I knew the meaning of love.

I had heard about love; never believed.

I never believed that it exists, I still am skeptical.

I always thought that things happen, people fall apart and then you forget.

But this sudden new feeling was overpowering.

I got scared of this feeling.

It was much stronger than a normal crush.

I tried to run from it.

I tried to hide.

When asked I just lied.

As I tried to run from this feeling I ended up running away from myself, from you.

Things came in between and we just drifted apart.

And never had I thought that I would be in love with you, if this is love, so be it.

People came, people went.

So did you, eventually tired of my running away.

I felt a loss. But alongside this loss there was a relief.

The relief caused by thoughts claiming that now at last, Mehul you’d be able to get away from this feeling.

But the feeling remained, alongside your thoughts.

Thoughts which would pop every other night.

Nights that went without sleep.

And then years later I read about love somewhere and only your face came into my mind.

I thought that maybe this is what love is.

I thought that I would finally voice my feelings now that I understood them myself.

And then I saw, you were someone else’s.

I thought maybe it was too late.

But maybe you never felt the same way.

I don’t know and somewhere I do want to know.

To know if you ever felt the same way.

To know if we ever had a chance.

A chance which is now long gone.

You were important and you still are.

I hope that you would be important tomorrow too…

I just needed to accept so that I could let go…

PS: This is not me telling the world that I am in love or if I ever was.

These are just some thoughts that just came and went.

As mentioned earlier, I do not believe in the concept of love for I have not experienced it.

But somewhere for the person above, I have a soft corner. A sense of comfort and deep sincerity.

A person for whom I care allot, it can be anybody.

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My dream…

An image keeps coming. It is an image of a girl. A tall and slim girl, she is walking alone on the beach at sunrise. The water just gently brushes her feet and wind blows softly to her as though carrying a secret, causing her long dark wavy hair and white silk dress to flutter quietly.

The sun smiles his dim golden beam across her face magically and the sunrays dance on the water waves. She looks out towards the open sea inquiring with a smile at the hushing of the waves.

As the wind blows across her face she continues to walk slowly on that endless beach. The white sand continues to play with her bare feet. She sees the enchanting beauty of nature just as nature sees beauty in her.

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Expectations

Expectations. After having a heated argument with my friend my thoughts on expectations were as follows:

To me every relation is based on expectations. We have expectations in every relation of our life. Our actions are based on our mood which in turn is based on the fulfillment level of our expectations.

Many may say “we don’t have any expectations”. But that my friend is hypocrisy. We all have a certain expectations from our friends, families and even foes. Conflicts come when there is a disagreement in the expectations of two people. Even with enemies we have expectations. About how they will act, on what they will say etc etc.

The closer you are to a person the more expectations one has with that person. One gets irritated when those expectations are not fulfilled, where as there is joy in the fulfillment of a particular expectation. No matter how minute or vast the feelings may be.

We have expectations for ourselves as well. Those expectations are generally known to us. Whereas some expectations are unknown to us. When those expectations are recognized by others, we sometimes are irritated. Those expectations are generally dismissed by saying that one doesn’t have much choice. But no, no one is forced to act in some certain way; a person in any given situation has more than one path to choose. That action that was dismissed is an expectation. An expectation, that is so basic that most of the times it is not even their in the conscious mind. Gaining control of our expectations is like gaining control over our conscious mind. The fewer expectations we have the easier and calmer our lives will become. There will be less clutter and consequently more clarity will be present.

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Tears…

As my tears become blood,

They roll down my cheeks and mix into the mud…

People keep on blaming me,

They never let my soul be…

They hate me for what they think I did,

Thinking that whatever they are doing is splendid…

They think I have lied,

But they don’t know the truth that I hide…

They think I had gone too low,

They even diminished my soul that used to glow,

Is it because I did not let my feelings show…?

They pretended to cry when I cried,

I became a flower that had dried…

They keep on killing me from inside,

They don’t realize how long ago I had died…

Clouds…

I lie down on my back and gaze towards the sky,

I smile and see the clouds pass by…

I reminisce about the days that have gone,

And fly through my mind like a beautiful song…

The memories form images in my eyes,

Painted pictures, like clouds in the skies…

As each person comes and goes,

My fondness for each one of them grows…

The clouds remind me yet again,

Of things important and mundane…

My memories form colourful hues,

Shades of whites, grays and blues…

I think of the times that I spent

Playing hide and seek in camping tents,

I am reminded of each passing day,

The clouds show me reasons to stay gay…

I think of the times that did not go in vain,

The happiness as well as the pain…

These times made me who I am today,

Helping me go on life’s way…

The clouds chuckled in delight,

For they are the memories that are in sight…

As the clouds keep on passing by,

I recall; the memories make me sigh…

I try to make the clouds stay,

But they mischievously flutter away …

New clouds keep on coming by,

Bringing new dreams both low and high…

As drops of water reach my face,

Momentarily I come back from my daze…

I realize what heaven feels like,

And my feelings scale a pike…

The gentle drops make my skin wet,

I realize that it was the clouds that I had met…

As I come back from the past,

I see the clouds going away fast…

They chortle by themselves,

And into me they delve…

They leave silently to another dimension,

To gather some one else’s attention…

I smile and let the clouds go,

The clouds that made my memories glow…

I quickly awake from my dream,

And reflect and smile with a happy beam…

That lonely woman…

Those unspoken tears in my eyes.

The people who did not hear my cries…

I walk the death’s path I know,

I admit my mistakes keeping my voice low…

No one does know the pain inside me,

No one could imagine the pain that may be…

The hurt that made me weep in the nights,

I struggle to live with all my might…

I for once thought that I may live,

Live for others so that they may forgive…

Seeing the fact that I am alone,

Staying lonely at home…

As the images I see are blurred,

The tears that no one heard…

God am I wasting my time?

Living alone sipping wine…

I tried making amendments,

Remembering all the precious moments that went…

Today I live not this,

Thinking of the times that I missed…

The fights that made us say things that hurt so much,

Nothing else could hurt me as such…

For I put a mask on my face,

Over an identity that no one can trace…

The mask which carries that big smile,

The mask under which the sentiments pile…

Past Memories…

The path that I wander is dark,

I try to perceive all the significant marks…

I try to recollect the things that I see,

The memories that will forever be…

As I muse over the past,

I see a thing that did not last…

Everything seems to have changed,

The memories that made me deranged…

I try and make things come back,

I notice the things that we lacked…

The things that we could not see,

The things that did not let me be…

I still don’t comprehend what had happened,

Was it the truth that we abandoned …?

Everything seems so deviant,

In my mind your thoughts just came and went…

Your face comes in my mind as a thought,

For an instant I got caught…

I remember the things that you said,

For now I feel as if I am dead…

You feel that I am not the same,

But you are the one who had gone away and you never came…

I lingered for you all along,

Thinking that this is where we both belong…

It was a long time that I did wait,

But somehow you were late…

I got fed up and started leaving,

I understood that it was only me whom I had been deceiving…

For going away I took a long stride,

With that stride I cried…

The moment you realized that I was going,

You thought that it was a mistake that I was doing…

But my friend I had waited for a long time,

Keeping my sad thoughts to myself like a mime…

You told me that I was wrong,

But sweetie I hope you knew the truth all along…

I tell you that I have missed you,

You act as if you don’t have a clue…

I try and go back to the place that I had left,

But there is an emptiness that has crept…

As time moves slowly day by day,

You left me again keeping me at bay…

Now I realized that I had to go,

The steps that I took made time go slow…

Now I watch you from some distance away,

Everything seems black white and grey…

Now sometimes I hide myself from you when you come in sight,

I cry for hours and hours but still don’t feel light…

You say to others that I have changed,

But you don’t realize how much I have been pained…

As others feel sorry for me,

For they see the pain that you cannot see…

You see the smile I put in-front of my tears,

Those tears that I couldn’t bear…

You come near to me to know what’s inside,

The hurt, the pain, the truth that I hide…

You see me as a fake,

But I don’t say a thing only for your sake…

You seem to think that I don’t care,

But now I don’t let my feelings go bare…

in our own world…

Close your eyes to the sound of my voice,

As we meet, let the world rejoice…

We sit back and reach the sky,

Times unknown to a strangers eyes…

As the moments are etched into time,

A silent witness to everyone’s crime…

We watch, we look, we hear, we cry,

Looking at that endless sky…

We give the world a fleeting glance,

Exploring the world’s expanse…

The wind softly gives us her regard,

Singing pleasantly like that long lost bard…

Transient thoughts fade away,

Lying in gods lap, we play…

We continue to dance in the rain,

Alone having no restrains…

We quickly hide back our smiles,

As we come back from exile…

Broken hearted….

As sorrow ness fills my eyes,

I know you have told me nothing but lies…

I think about you all the time,

Sometimes my friends think that it’s a crime…

I wish you just had a clue,

Then my feeling wouldn’t have been blue…

At nights I just can’t sleep,

The thing I do most of the time nowadays is weep…

The thoughts I have are just so haunting,

Adding to that the people just keep taunting…

If only you could see me crying,

You would stop the entire stupid ness that you have been trying…

My thoughts wander of in the skies,

I know you have woven a thread full of lies…

My life…

Why is life so hard??

Is love actually written on the cards??

People put so much pressure,

Sometimes you don’t have time for leisure…

I know I have made mistakes,

Even when I didn’t know the stakes…

I think that I am lying,

Sometimes I don’t even know if I am crying…

I know my life will shatter,

And know it doesn’t even matter…

The time is moving at the speed of light,

I just need to hold someone tight…

I just want my life to end,

Because I don’t think that it will ever mend…

Feelings towards you….

A moment that I could spend with you would surely be a bliss,

It would be a thing that I would never miss…

Is it love or infatuation?

Whatever it is I need no clarification…

You come in my dreams day and night,

Your face never goes out of sight…

Without thinking of you a day has not yet past,

Without you I just don’t think that I’ll last…

Your face seems so cute,

Your thoughts just keep playing in my mind like a flute…

I don’t think I should keep my hopes high,

At this time all I can do is just sigh…

I just wish you would understand,

Then my feelings would be much more than a strand…

I just wish we could be together,

Without thinking of no other…